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In his diaries from 1970 to 1973, we see Sullivan realizing that there is something different about his desires and feelings, leading him to feel isolated and alone. He finally admits to himself that, even though he was assigned the gender of female at birth, he feels like a man. Even more challenging to this realization is the fact that he is definitely attracted to men. He fears that his boyfriend, Tom, will leave him, and at the same time, he thinks Tom is the only one who understands him. Tension develops in their "open" relationship as Sullivan dates Sean, and Tom falls for "another" woman. When Tom moves to Berkeley, Sullivan, now on his own in Milwaukee, identifies as a transvestite, and struggles with how to describe himself as a gay man. He begins, occasionally, to call himself Lou. He is overjoyed to find a gay man, Lawrence, who recognizes Sullivan as a man and engages in a sexual relationship with him. The chapter ends with Sullivan's visit to Berkeley to see Tom.

DOI: 10.1007/978-3-319-63034-2_1

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